maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude i'm inner monologue high
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize