Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
