I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
