just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
