He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
