That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize