I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
