i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
