After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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