You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
