I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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