please come you make the beer taste better
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
