i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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