I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
