the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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