WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
