his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
