I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You're like the curious george of whores
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
