he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
