Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize