I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
