Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize