he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
