I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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