I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
