Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
