Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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