I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
