I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize