Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
