Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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