did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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