I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
