She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
