RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
