Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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