her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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