Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
