i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
