first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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