I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize