At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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