even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
