it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize