so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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