a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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