If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
