I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
