allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
