i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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