apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
