I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize