You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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