here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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