I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
