if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
