i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
