True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
