You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
