so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
