if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Found your dick twin last night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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