Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
