Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
