So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
