So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize